My Complete Idol

12.

Happy Days

So proud of myself.

When I applied for the race for life my aim was to complete the race in 25 minutes.

Today, I ran 5.5KM in 31 minutes, which is about 3/4 minutes off my target. I am so happy.

A break from running and from positivity did make me stronger. Additionally I had a rest day yesterday, so no exercise apart from walking around college from 8-5. 

I can't express how happy I am for myself.

Apart from doubts in my mind which I think will never go away, I actually think I will be able to complete this, with all my friends and family around me I am happier than ever.

My aim now is to stop burdening myself with everyone else's problems, I need to relax and be a little selfish now.

11.

Only Upward Spirals

After having a long week of downward spirals, it was my worst yet, I would like to say that I am now feeling positive again, but that's not entirely true.

I was at my lowest last week, being alone in the house, having nothing to do, just made me over think everything.

Life.

Why am I here?

Last week I made some terrible choices, and I hope I never get that low again, that I have to repeat that.

I have been running and eating as usual but just couldn't bring myself to share my experiences with the whole world just yet.

I am getting better, but I would say that I am 100% right now.

I will be blogging regularly again.

Hopefully this downward spiral will just make me stronger.

10.

6.12"

Getting my time down today has given me an amazing push. I ran alot further 6.15KM and I still managed to get my time down, as I ran it in 38:10 Minutes which I am very proud of.

Yes, my boyfriend did let me down and said that he didn't want to run with me today and so I went on my own as usual.

Unusually warm today I went out in shorts which was a massive step for me, yes I might go clubbing in town in a little mini dress, but there I don't stand out. But running in shorts, everyone stares at my legs while I run, feeling self conscious I went anyway.

While people stared at first I thought: "Why did I do this to myself, why did I put myself out there, with flabby legs and scattering hair?"

But then I thought: "I have to do this sometime, and its a good way to get my confidence up. 

YOU CAN STARE ALL YOU WANT BUT ARE YOU DOING EXERCISE?"

I'm feeling a lot better in myself today and therefore have eaten more than yesterday, but still being healthy. 

But if I burnt 400 calories running, surly I can treat myself later? 

My Gym

9.

4.83KM

After a very boring five hour shift this morning, I decided to cheer myself up by going on a run in the summer sun!
I ran 4.83KM, on my usual route I did it in 30:40 Minutes which is reasonably good since I didn't stop once on the way around, however, it was no personal best for me. I NEED TO IMPROVE, and fast!
Running 6:18 Minutes per KM isn't bad but I would like it to be better.
Tomorrow I will be running with my boyfriend, now, he has never ran before and therefore it won't be a personal best either.
On Friday it will be a rest day and therefore I wont be doing anything, which I am glad about.
On Saturday I will be running with my mum again and it still won't be a personal best.
On Monday, it will be the start of my new running plan. Not long distance but short - Under 5KM, but with a shorter time per KM. 

Running today made me feel amazing, free and almost liberated and therefore I feel very refreshed and positive about myself.
However eating only, cheerios at 6.30AM this morning, a breakfast bar at 2.00PM and two ryvita's at around 4.00PM I know that this is not enough but I am afraid to eat anymore for feeling bloated and fat.
My mind will never be the same after being diagnosed with anorexia however hopefully I will get better, and hopefully soon, because I am feeling the same as before.
Hopefully I don't go back down that road.

Inspiration