24.

Inspirational Stories

Jane didn’t let being diagnosed with Stage 3 Advanced Lung Cancer from stopping her love of running, or her goals to complete the Snowdonia Marathon.
This is her story:
‘After being diagnosed with lung cancer in June 2014, I had chemotherapy and radiotherapy, meaning I had to pull out of that year’s marathon.
‘In June 2015 I had surgery to remove the upper right lobe of her lung. I signed up and ran the Snowdonia Marathon 2015 just 4 months later’.
Having run the Snowdonia Marathon three times before, 45 year old Jane was left disappointed after having to pull out of the 2014 race.
‘After being given only a one in three chance of survival. I decided that completing the marathon would be a good way to finish the year of treatment!'
Jane used it as a way to ‘raise awareness of lung cancer, and funds for continued research into the disease’.
During treatment and surgery recovery, Jane was off work which so she is ‘free to go out when I feel like it.
‘I fit it around the weather, when the dogs need to go out, or if I just want to have a solo run in the nearby Welsh hills’.

What's next?

It seems that Snowdon holds a special place in Jane’s heart. ‘Although I had to take a bit of time off after last year’s marathon. I’m all signed up for the race this year, I am now going out again as often as I can.
‘Currently my scans have been clear post surgery and so all being well I will be able to train more this year.
‘All being well I hope to be back on the starting line and can hopefully improve on my PB!’

Favourite running song:
Stereoside - Always Remember
Ultimate training tip:
Incorporate running into your day. Don't always run to your watch but run to enjoy.
I run with our dogs on the forestry trails and the miles whizz by faster.
First memory of loving running:
On a trail run in the local welsh hills surrounded by wildlife and good views!’
Must have kit:
My bandana and lip balm!
Post Run Snack of Choice:
Avocado and marmite on rye toast!

I hope this inspirational story will persuade you to go out and get your sweat on!

20.

Depression

 So, I'm going to talk about this openly and honestly.
Everyone with this illness will be able to relate to what I'm saying.

• Not everyone with depression self harms.
• Sometimes you won't even know when a person has depression because they hide it so well.
• Depression is NOT only dictated by life circumstances - someone may have everything and still have the illness.
• Not all people that have depression take medication - treatment is not one size fits all.
• Depression is a real illness, when someone feels low, they might not think it's real, they might get laughed at or someone might not believe them. Everyone needs to realise that it is a damaging and sometimes life threatening illness.  

What others need to realise is that they will never understand how it feels to have a low, to have an anxiety attack, or to feel really isolated. Some people tell me to "Think Positive." but really, that is like saying positive thoughts could help a man with blood sugar.
We need to start treating this as a real illness, and a serious condition.
 
When I first felt the flames of depression tickle my toes, I kept it to myself. I didn't want anyone to know, I felt ashamed.
Now I can confirm that it made my condition worse, it made it to progress into even more mental illnesses.
I suffered with Anxiety, Depression, and Anorexia. 

I felt like I didn't deserve to eat, I didn't deserve anything, that was because of the depression.
And then, I had to take three weeks off of college, missing out on critical information on exams, and as a result I moved college.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and so I won't say that it was a bad move because I love what I'm doing now.

For me, what helped was doctors.
At first, I was scared, I didn't want to admit or tell anyone, and I didn't know what the doctors would do to me when I told them.
But they do really understand. As soon as I heard my doctors sympathetic voice telling me that she could help me, a weight was off of my shoulders.
She gave me medication, which has been increased and decreased over the years.
I believe this is the reason that I can talk about depression openly now. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and so the medication balanced it out for me.
This is not to say that it works for everyone!

Presently, what I find helps is venting all of my emotions to someone, preferably a family member. Getting everything out, whether crying, shouting or just talking helps to get it out. Also, they might be able to help?

Furthermore, my boyfriend is a massive help right now, in that he helps me see what I've got. He takes a step back with me, and looks at my whole life, what I've been through and where I am now. 
I appreciate that.

My family have been my absolute rock throughout these two years.
 

19.

Invisible

Not all the time do I feel like this.

Just a minority, but when I do, it is truly awful.

If you have been reading any of my other blog posts then you will know that I suffer with Depression. Good news, its getting so so much better. I'd like to thank my family and friends for the support that I've had, and the meds....

Even if it is getting better I do have lows, I feel like I am invisible, not just to the whole world, but to my close friends and even my parents. I'm still trying to work out why this occurs myself.

Yes, I know I should probably talk to them about how I'm feeling but what I think they'll do is either: ignore me, or laugh. That would be awful.

What really goes through my mind is taking more and more of my medication. Yes, I know that's a silly thing to do and I don't think I would ever bring myself to do it. But in my head, there's a nasty voice that is telling me to take maybe four doses of the medication instead of one, or maybe some paracetamol with it every night?

Venting it out like this is an amazing way to get my feelings out of my system. And honestly, if no-one reads it then I'm not bothered, I'm helping myself. But if I'm helping someone along the way, that's a bonus.

Some things that I do to help myself when I'm like this:
Read: Immersing myself into another world makes me forget all of my troubles and cares.

Sing: I know singing isn't a strong point of mine, but just to sing an angry or feel good song helps you laugh at yourself.

Drink: No, not alcohol. But hydrate yourself, it could be that you're dehydrated and that you don't feel well.

17.

This post does not have a name.
Its just thoughts. 
If I don't voice them, I know for a fact that I will get very poorly, not just in the physical sense.

Its about people, humans, you and me.
I'm not saying I'm 100% an angel, I know that I'm not and I know that I'd done some awful things in just 18 years.
But I know now, that I care for everyone else's feelings, I think before I post something, say something, do something. 

If you know that someone has been through terrifying experiences, personal experiences that have shaped their life, you don't bring it up.
You have to nurture that being until their happy, until they are almost sane again.

If a puppy was abused, it would be sent to the most loving home that anyone could give.
So why should it be different for us?

Why don't you think before you speak, I know I'm not perfect, and I know that I am still not 100% yet.
However, I do know that in the past two years I have excelled in everything that I have done:
I've had three successful jobs and I'm now a part time junior reporter.
I've moved college and I'm achieving distinction stars.
I've changed my eating and exercise habits so that I'm not in danger anymore.

I know that the world can be a terrible place some of the time, but I also know that we, ourselves can make it a better and more bearable experience for some people.
Why don't you post something nice, instead of an indirect comment about someone, even though you know it will hurt them.
Why don't you put your phone down instead of texting someone something you know will make them rethink their life.

Why would you want to make someone else's life a misery?If you don't like them, leave them be!

Anyway, on a lighter note:
I'm running 5KM tomorrow with a water infection so that should be much fun. Wish me luck, I will be writing an article following that too.

16.

So Many Questions

There are so many things going around in my head that I don't even know where to start.

Like it says in my bio, this is a place for me to vent, so excuse this rant.

I'm so anxious, I don't know why or what about?

What if someone leaves me, or does something to upset me? 

Then I will have no-body?

I have no-one to talk to about this, about how I feel and what I should do? There is nothing I can do about it, it's all in my head, so what is wrong with me?
I don't even know.

But when is it going to be my time, when is something good going to happen for me, when is somebody going to make me happy?

I'm the kind of person who has to open for the door for myself, and then hold it open whilst everyone goes through and gets ahead of me.

So when is my time going to be, that time when someone finally says: "This is for you." 

I've worked my butt off for the past two years and (sorry to sound like Lady C) but where the fuck is my reward?

14.

Be More Zen

According to my friend this is the way to be?

Okay so after many google searches whilst I was supposed to working, I have come to the conclusion that this could be a way to focus on fitness!

Of course, there are some rules:
Stop comparing yourself, your situation, your achievements to others. This is the best way to concentrate on yourself, and go at your own pace.

Stop judging others, whether its their actions or even the way they look.

Stop worrying (This is essential for myself). Overthinking is what my brain likes to do, which sends me into overdrive and that's when the anxiety really kicks in. 

There is absolutely no purpose of worry so: Breathe, Count to ten and carry on.

Stop blaming other people, playing the victim is often easier than taking responsibility. 

Look at the root of the cause, why are you feeling like you are?
Get to the bottom of things in your own head before you come to conclusions.

Stop competing. Obviously sport is competitive, however, if you've just got a personal best then be proud, don't get upset that it isn't as good as your neighbor.

And finally, have a laugh with it all! 

Life is fun so lets make it.

Tomorrow is my first run ah.

It's fair to say I am nervous and I may not go far but it's a start!
Wish me luck.

11.

Only Upward Spirals

After having a long week of downward spirals, it was my worst yet, I would like to say that I am now feeling positive again, but that's not entirely true.

I was at my lowest last week, being alone in the house, having nothing to do, just made me over think everything.

Life.

Why am I here?

Last week I made some terrible choices, and I hope I never get that low again, that I have to repeat that.

I have been running and eating as usual but just couldn't bring myself to share my experiences with the whole world just yet.

I am getting better, but I would say that I am 100% right now.

I will be blogging regularly again.

Hopefully this downward spiral will just make me stronger.